so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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