matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
