R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
its not stalking. its research.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
