On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
