You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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