My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize