why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
