you guys were way drunker than both of me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
