Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
