Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
