Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
