we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
