saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
