As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
