Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
thus making me awesome and them whores
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
