My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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