Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
