Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
