4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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