Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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