I must be too annoying 4 u.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
