Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
