as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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