He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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