ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
