He is such a slut. More and more my type.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize