Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
