dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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