:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
