I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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