but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
