These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
