how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize