then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize