No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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