His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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