May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize