He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
