Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize