sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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