you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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