I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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