i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
