um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
