wanna go halves on a baby?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
