everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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