You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
