So drunk, too bad you don't want this
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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