U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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