How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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