Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
