I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
