I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
