"it" just moved
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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