I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
