when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
