Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
