Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
