he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
