She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
