what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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