I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
