You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
