just tell him i said nine months
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
