Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize