I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
