Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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