i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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