and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
