I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
