My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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