Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
please come you make the beer taste better
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I booty called her while she was in labor.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
