dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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