Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
