so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
