He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
