We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize