I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
