you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I look better un-naked...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
