Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were trust falling into bushes
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
