just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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