i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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