I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
