Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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