drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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