If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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