he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
