Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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